nov. 4

i was nervous going to bed tuesday night. i woke up automatically at 3.19 a.m, when the first polls were closing (7 hour difference). i can't fucking believe how globalized i am. even my subconscious is globalized. i got out of bed in the dark and tried desperately to find a free wifi connection with my ipod to log onto nyt.com and track the first results. no luck. i sms'd my sister in boston: sms me when obama wins. i sms'd the news service, got 3 replies: one about eta terrorist attack, one about something going on in congo, one about AMERICAN ELECTIONS: OBAMA LEAD IN OHIO, OBAMA 51% MCCAIN 49%. got even more nervous. couldn't sleep. seant another sms at 4.30 a.m. DEMOCRATS TAKE 4 STATES. another sms close to 5 a.m BARACK OBAMA PRESIDENTE DE EEUU. sis called at 5 something a.m. ecstatic yelling obama had been declared the propsective president or the projected president or something like that. could hear american teenagers yelling mad happy in the background. couldn't sleep but kept smiling in bed till 6 a.m. walked out early. papers were coming out with martin luther king on the cover: NOT A DREAM ANYMORE they said. i went for a swim and thought about how fucking fantastic everything was. after i showered got a voice message from boyfriend: have you heard? they killed mouriño. they shot his plane down, it fell on periférico. i called him back. the day turned bittersweet. reading parallel newspapers. happy u.s. shitty mexico. it all felt unreal. we truly are melting into the air i thought. then california voted to strip gay people of a basic right. i thought joni mitchell singing california coming home and how shitty california has become not that sunny free place anymore. and how everything is messed up and confused and open.